As usual, today was unusual.

I don't really know what to write about. All I know is that this day's becoming one big blur to me now and I must write it down because it's surely one for the books.

Morning, I woke up because people had to leave the house and I had to see to it that they were okay when they left. I studied and it rained hard. And as usual, my mood's down and I'm not up to do anything - even review for a final exam that could make or break my whole academic career. (And I was not exaggerating). So long story short, of course I didn't study.

I arrived at school just to see my batch mates reviewing their asses off, as usual. I sat with my guy friends, as usual. The usual laughs, cusses, and jokes. It was time for the exam to begin but our prof was nowhere to be found. Being the contact person of our class, I texted him and asked him where will we be having the exam. He replied asking what exam and all final exams were scheduled on Saturday.

So yeah. The night was young, the rain was pouring and it was a friend's birthday. We decided to eat out but some people decided not to come because they had to do something. That moment, I swear I knew what was going to happen. Fuck my instincts and fuck how much I know him. But most of all, fuck these feelings.

Why. Why. Why. But I decided to push them away and store them some place far - somewhere I'll never remember they're there. I managed to stay on top of my feelings for a while but the force of attraction between them and me is too strong for me to ignore it. And so I gave in, as usual. I immediately searched for people. (That's what I do best, after all. Search for happiness in all kinds of places/people). I managed to find some in little bits, but when summed up, still can't fill up that void.

One particular source of happiness is just elating. :') And I mean really! Gahd. No, don't let me write about him right now. The only thing you should know is that he invited me over and tomorrow, if the sun's shining, I'll come. ;) Ohshi. Beyond my wiiiiildest dreams, people! I get kilig very easily - esp. when it comes to him. Haha! I'll keep you posted. :)

But still. I can't forget. Where has all the respect gone? So fucking irritated. YOU should know where you stand. Haven't you observed enough? Do you not see what is going on right now? Seriously, are you that naive and innocent? I can't and refuse to believe that you are. Dear, I can't bring myself to think that I've created someone to deviate from everything I've taught them. I'm scared to know that I've empowered you too much. Earth to you, you're just this tiny speck of human before I moulded you into what you are now. And this is what I get in return? I believe I deserve more than this. You should know how to back off and you should pay respect to the people who gave you everything. Okay? No, not okay.

And you, you. What the heck am I supposed to do to make you realize that this something, this something they speak of but we constantly repress, is the thing that keeps us from making relationships outside this "friendship". How are you supposed to explain this to anyone? I know I can't. But if you can, then tell me how. So I can move on from this, too. But somehow, we both know I can't move on from these feelings. Partly your fault, admit it.

Aaaaand this is becoming a letter to people rather than a blog post, as usual. I always get so carried away with my emotions and rant along as if it's still interesting to anyone. On another note, I don't know what to do. But I think I'm enjoying myself playing with words and feelings tonight. ;) I just hope this break's going to do me good before I face people come the next semester. I need this semestral break. Repeat until it sounds weird.