no matter how hard I try, i still can't forget.

Yes. By the actual meaning of it, I really can't forget that easily. But I always forget to update my blog. :P I'm so sorry, world. It's just because I've been way too busy with studying and I seem to forget my outlet of emotions, my blog.
I can't seem to conceptualize why studying now takes up most of my time but I know that I need to do so. Or if I won't I'll surely get a low grade fail. :( I'm purely angered by my Math17 professor when she says that her subject handled, College Algebra and Trigonometry is just a review of our previous lessons in High School. Well, a fvkingly tougher and more comprehensive review, that is.
As a matter of fact, I failed my first ever departmental exams .. in Math. OMG. I never thought I'd get to say that in my whole life. :( To think that my whole life has been devoted to numbers and their science. Yet, Math17 can't seem to reciprocate my love. Ihateit. :( I think I'm going to get a final grade of 5 in Math17. Nooooooooo. :((
I'm so going to try and study harder. Swear, Lord. Help me, please? :)
I just won't and can't seem to forget. :P

new life? new me?

This is the first time I blogged again since I entered college (and I say that like i'ts been a really long time when the truth of the matter is that only a month had gone by since I first entered the University). So many things have changed, so many new people met, and so many memories now flutter by occasionally. Maybe I have changed too, maybe not.
It's really hard to cope up with the stress of college life. No one's there to check up on the class once in a while, to ask if every thing's okay or if some one's missing. I sort-of miss the nagging teachers, advisers, principals, and faculty members my High School used to have, it's hard to admit, but it's true. I still can't seem to fully grasp the concept of professors just letting us do our own things during class - not bothering to call our attention when we're not listening - or of students who choose not to attend classes just because they now can.
It's really tough to enter college when you're not prepared for a heavy workload. Imagine going to a University known for its bright students and academic superiority (not to brag) among the other universities in the Philippines. We have more difficult subjects to master, broader concepts we have to understand, and a wider country we have to serve - after all, we owe our education to them, to you. But that's the responsibility of students like me who studies at the University of the Philippines, we not only have to prove ourselves worthy of the high views of the common people, but we have to humble ourselves and serve the same people who look at us highly.
It's true that college could really change people, - their lives, their views on specific topics, even their perspectives in life - but behind the book-based effects of education, one who enters college would be moulded into the person they'll become in the future not by just what is taught inside the four corners of the classroom but also by the experiences of everyday college life.
From now on, I'd be able to post daily and make this a true updated blog. :) Come with me on my journey as I venture the wider spectrum of the world here in Manila. Kisses*!

expectations, frustrations, and hope once again

Months ago, our adviser who was also the vice principal of our school announced to the senior batch [that's us] that we would be having our educational field trip or exposure trip at Corregidor. This was a first for our school because so many previous senior batches have been wanting this trip but only us got it. Everyone was agitated and was looking forward to the said trip.
Weeks before the scheduled date of the trip, my friends and I were already chatting excitedly about the things we'd do there and the places we'd get to visit. Being an even-numbered posse was in our favor for choosing our busmates wasn't a problem anymore. And as for me, I asked ladypresident to be my buddy on the trip. She had expertise in History where I lacked, and that was our advantage, not to mention our bravadoat English together. Prognosticating things were inevitable at this point.
When it was already time to submit the reply slips or waivers that our parents would let us come on the trip, I asked my mom to sign it already telling myself that she'd approve. But to my surprise, she didn't. I thought that she was just procastinating things again but when I asked her again after a few days, she sternly said "no" yet again. Feeling frustrated already, I shared the feeling with my bestfriend-slash-someone;) and I was irritated because he too, didn't want me to come.
Being a spoiled bratt, I still said to our adviser that I'd come to the trip and return the reply slip whenever my mom was done with it. But yes, I hadn't been able to come. I mean, if I only had the money and all, I'd still go. For whatever I wanted, I always got. And this was always the case. But not this time, though. :(
Today was the scheuled date of the trip and since early morning, I've been receiving text messages from my class/batchmates that they wished I was there with them and that it was fun there. They are now in the hotel and enjoying hotel privileges. I wish I was there, too. :(
We had classes today, the people who hadn't join the trip. But I hadn't gone to school. Due to depression, or frustration, I really don't know. The only distinct thing to me now is that I want to be with my class/batchmates in Corregidor, swimming in the pool, too.
But I don't blame my mom or him for not letting me come to the trip. I just wish I'd find something good in this whole experience. After all, this was the first time I hadn't come on the field trip. And this was even the senior year. I'd lost my chances on joining the retreat with my classmates, sleeping in a hotel with them, and maybe even going to Corregidor. But, oh well, there's always a silver lining after the storm, right? I wish that mine would be there tomorrow when I wake up.
Night, guys! Comment some time, will you? :)

the art of LoveLives

I have never been good at drawing, coloring things, or even expressing myself through the arts. I have never been the creative type and I think I would never be 'coz I firmly believe that "creativity can never be taught, it is within one's self."
So when our MAPEH class at school was taught by a new, more-experienced, and far more artistic teacher, I had a huge problem keeping up. He taught us to blend colors and draw first the sketch of the things which we were to color. Sounds cliche but I think the activities he made us do were obviously underrated. I didn't think that it was that hard to draw a palm tree, or a bamboo, or even an apple. GDI! I always had to ask my very artistic and creative seatmate, Milton Jason Tanedo for help. And I'm glad that he was always there to offer a hand.
But Love, Love is a different thing. In art, for me, no matter how many things you draw and no matter how many of them looks like the real thing, you will never learn to improve the way you draw them, unless you want to. On the other hand, in Love, after past experiences, whether you like it or not, it changes you. In some ways- obvious or not- little by little, you become less and less of yourself as before the actual relationship even began. And when it ends [because it's rare nowadays that you see people or couples in happy relationships] you don't know who you are anymore.
So many people [those whom I know] are breaking up these days. It upsets me because the couples who you'd think were gonna last forever, didn't. But for those couples whom you know won't really last long, it's not that appalling. And it kinda saddens me because it's like before, when my friends and I talk, we talk about the things that make us smile and the people who give us reason to do so, but now, it's like we talk about the effin' things they said and how the BS things they kept just surfaced now. Finally, I think that Love, like art- there's no exact way of doing it, you just learn to do it in your own way and accept that it's not perfect but atleast you made it:)
P.S.: I am not good at singing, I will never be great at drawing and coloring things, and I will never ever ever be sporty.:)
-- the author who hates MAPEH but loves L♥ve:)

idle time in the computer lab

Our lesson for today is Basic Programming and flowcharts. We had an activity and we made our own flowchart. Some of us finished early and some didn't. The ones who finished early were given a chance to use the Internet connection. Guess which group I belong to? HAHA. Anyways, everyone's checking out a different webiste here and I have nowhere to go because some sites are blocked so I decided to blog. To just say "hi" to people. :) And I think we have to go now. Bye! :)

a writer's irony

Let's say I have this friend- a bestfriend [Kristelle Dawn P. Fernandez]. And she has this friend, a someone who I know too but isn't that familiar, she writes. And she has a churchmate who writes. What with the avid reader that my bestfriend is, she secured copies of the short stories the two people abovementioned wrote. She followed every one, read them, and identified so litlle and sometimes so much with the characters embedded in the story. And with her being my bestfriend, she shared to me the stories which were not only deep, dark, but incredulously nose-bleed-worthy. Despite the fact, I read on. True enough, I could identify with some attitudes of the characters, and sometimes I just can't. Whatever the case was, the stories were still so great.
I don't know why but I actually reflected alot on the stories. They all start with paragraphs which discuss about the ironies of life. And in my opinion, for writers, that's the biggest thing we write about. More and more, we talk about them in our stories, poems, epics, and whatsoever form of writing there is left [and with I including myself as a writer, a beginner as I may be]. Somehow, when I read their stories, I said to myself, "why can't I ever write like this?" "why can't I ever think of stories which can take the readers into the story, feel the pains and the sufferings of the protagonists, and curse the antagonist?" "why is my ability to write limited only in blogging?"
I know. Blogging's not easy. It so isn't. But compared to the things I've read and heard, it's on the bottom step of a literacy staircase and they are on the topmost. The distance between them? 1o0? Or even a number I've never heard of in this world to depict an amount so large.
Many- in my view- have already complemented me on my blogging. And to them I reach out my deepest and uttermost gratitudes. But yes, I see myself only as a blogger. And not a writer. An incident in school earlier proved the case.
There was a journalism seminar to be held this coming weekend for two days in our school. And to be fair, our adviser asked us to nominate people who deserved to go to the seminar. Because who of all people would know our writing capabilities? Of course, the people who tease us when we say something incorrectly, when we use the wrong form of verb or wrong number of noun, and the people who praise us when we actually do good, our classmates. I was surprised to hear my name nominated by one of the people whom I attended review classes with. Apparently, he noticed that I got high scores on our grammar tests and vocabulary exams in the review classes and has praised me for my English since then. And then it was voting time. My name was called and I shook my head vigorously as if to plead people not to stand up. An opportunity I was passing by, but yes, I didn't want to go to the seminar. Call it lack of self-confidence, yes, I do think I don't deserve to go to such a seminar. And then, as if they understood my signal, only four people stood up. Then the person in front of me asked me if I wanted to go, and I said "no" so they didn't vote for me. In the end, I lost.
I always loved writing. I wanted to pour everything into words, to express myself through sentences which sometimes don't make sense to other people, and to let people know exactly how I feel by my compositions. But when given the opportunity to do it in front of a greater audience, I shy away and say that writing's not for me. Oh, what a great irony and dilemma this author has. :)

Sir Thomas Malory

Sir Thomas Malory is an English writer during the medieval period . This I knew because our present topic in English III is the medieval period . Our class was divided into ten different groups . We were to research about the following topics :
* feudalism
* the concept of chivalry
* kinds of drama popular during the middle ages
- morality play
- mystery play
* Sir Thomas Malory
* Romance
* Popular literature works during this period
We were 38 in a class , so 38/10 , that makes it 3.8 right .? So most probably , we have 2 groups with 3 members and 8 groups with 4 . ( Lalalalalove it . Math .!) In our group , we are only three . All girls . Okay . We were to report what we have researched . F*ck*ng sh*t .! What .?! But as I was accustomed to in groupworks , I was always the one tasked to write the visual aid . I reported at times . But just due to extreme situations where in the reporting was individual . Ha ha .! So , me and my group mates were researching using different volumes of the encyclopedias our library has so that we could research many things at once . Then our teacher suddenly announced that there would be two reporters for each group . Exactly .! My other groupmates would be the one to report . Since we had so many groups , groups 1 to 5 would report on the next day and groups 6-10 would report two days from now . Cool .! I have enough time to slack off and make the visual aid tomorrow .! Ha ha .! Today , groups 1-3 had reported . We had no more time for gropus 4 to 5 to report also . As I was listening to the groups who reported , I was shocked to hear that Sir Thomas Malory in his past was a criminal . He was a known robber of big amounts of money , an attempted murderer and a rapist . For years he have been doing the same thing over and over again until the time of Edward ... (I forgot .! Ha ha .!) who sued him for his uncountable crimes . He was imprisoned . While he was in prison , he had idle time and he wrote the book " Le Morte D' Arthur " it was translated into already , I think , 29 languages .? And if that doesn't mean that it's a good book , f*ck you and have a nice day .! Ha ha .! It just proves that no matter how many wrongs we've done in the past , if we really motivate ourselves to change , we will . Sooner or later . And we shouldn't also judge someone by how many wrong things they have done . The only one who really knows them is , well , themselves . We don't have a right to judge them because we are not them . Perspective is not in the question .

Much is expected from YOU .

Everyday in school , we have our FC or the flag ceremony . It starts at exactly 7am . And the routine of the Harrellians is to go down to the covered court once they've heard the bell . Today , we did what we were already accustomed to . Once the bell rang , the elementary students was the first to go down . Us highschool students were always the last to go down . But to our shock , the elementary students went back . And they told us that we will have our FC in our respective classrooms . Fine . The FC in our classrooms were done through the PA system . The admin would pick students to lead the FC . Poor Harrellians . Their voices would be famous . Only their voices . But not them . The FC starts with the prayer . Then the National Anthem . And the Panatang Makabayan . Harrellian's Creed , Harrell Horne Hymn and finally , " Goodmorning and Godbless You Ma'am ______ !" I wish our FC today was as flawless as the plan . We didn't hear the leaders of the FC so we followed ourselves . Once the Harrellian's Creed was ongoing , we heard a voice . Familiar . Scary . Once we heard the voice , we all knew at once that we were in trouble . Our hair on the backs raising . Then the voice spoke " Go down .!!!! You go down .!!! You have your FC downstairs .!!! GO .!!! " We all knew what that meant . Uh-oh .! We did something wrong again . When all of us got downstairs , we started the FC again . From the top . Then we heard the voice from the 2nd floor , saying " Stop .! Stop that .!" She was pointing to us . And we could see the anger in her eyes . I was personally afraid . We stopped . ( We didn't want to get in any more trouble than we were in now .) Then she scolded us . I was in front . She asked us who were those three boys who were caught in the Lewis (the other section of the third year) . We all looked at the back . We knew which group to blame . They were always the one to blame . Then someone raised their hand . The other two came after . Then she said that the three of them must go to evolutionhero and tell him that they will not attend class 'coz they don't know how to follow the rules . What .?! Then she scolded us even more . The most hurting words she have said are only five little words . "Much is expected from you ." That hurt .! Especially for us awardees , the president of the class , and the SBO Officers . We were the ones she was blaming . We have superiority complex accdg . to her . And we weren't living up to the role of being an awardee . We were only awardees when it comes to academics . We were not wholistic . Stop .! I was already about to cry when she cut her nagging short and told us to proceed to the mezzanine , to the prayer room . She told us to reflect there for 30 minutes . Great . At first , she was guarding us at the door . but she left for , I think , 3 minutes .? And my friend , violetsmarts , the president of the class sat in front and talked to all of us . In the middle of her talking , she burst out into tears . I also bursted into tears . (It's hard to keep what you feel you know) I was super affected because I was also an awardee . The girl awardees cried . The boys were staying strong . Trying not to show that they are also deeply affected and deeply hurt by what we had just heard . We were not the ones doing something wrong . But still , we were the one who's more blamed than the others . We cried until the sound of the door opening reached our ears . She was back . And it was time to go back to our classroom . It was located in the 3rd floor and we'd have to pass 1 floor before we could reach the classroom . Trying hard to hide what had just happened , we quickly wiped our tears and pretended and acted as if nothing went wrong . And for the whole day , we kept in mind , us , the awardees , kept in mind those 5 words . And the most hurtful word of all . Expect .!

accuracy and precision

Actually , the title is somehow far from the main idea of this blog post . But it still is connected . Hahah .! Today was a rainy day . Before I left the house , I was doubting if I would bring my jacket because I already felt cold . I remembered that moodycutie brought home my jacket and she was supposed to give it back to me today . So I thought of my convenience . I didn't bring it . But as it turns out , she didn't bring it . It wasn't washed yet . I suffered for the whole day . I felt cold for the whole day . And as all of us know , it's better to sleep when it's cold . As Chemistry came , all of us felt sleepy . Our teacher pa naman was 25 % lesson , 15 % nagging , 60 % sharing of her life story . And we couldn't understand what she was teaching us . To be cruelly honest , she doesn't know how to teach . And today , our topic was accuracy and precision . I was f*ck*ngly uber sleepy that my eyes were already involuntary . It closes by itself . Hahah .! But as an awardee , I couldn't , shouldn't , won't and must mot be caught sleeping in class . Most especially that it was a major subject . I tried very hard to keep myself awake . It took a lot of my energy to do that . Then as I was thinking of a title or something to write in my blog today , I heard something from our teacher . Aha .! Words of wisdom . I think this was during the part two of her nagging . Haha .! And this was the saying she shared to us " Does the end justify your means .? And does your means justify the end .? " Wow .! What a good quote .! And this was the second thing she shared to us , " My professor once said that we go to school to unlearn , to learn , and to unlearn ." I kind of understand what she meant . But due to increasing drowsiness , I didn't bother to go to it deeper . What really fascinated me was the first saying . And I love words of wisdom that I can use in my daily life . So from now on , before I do something really stupid just to get what I want in the end , i'll think of that . And if all of it is worth it .!