How to say
How I feel"
-- Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol
For so long, I have always been content with knowing how I feel but not letting others know how I really feel. It's not that I've been pretentious all the while, but it's just so easier to just feel something common than to always explain your unusual emotions. I may appear as if I am what I am, "what you see is what you get", but really, there are only few who really know the story.
It hurts. And I don't really know why. Swear to everything pink I own that I don't know why. Or not. Maybe it's because of the attachment that was developed between us. Or maybe because I think I let the people who believed there was a future for us someday down. Or maybe it's just really the obvious reason - that I'm jealous.
Nah. Can't be. It never was. People always thought so; but I knew deep down inside that somehow, it isn't jealousy. It maybe something else entirely but it fucking hurts just the same (even worse, at times). I don't understand how I really feel but I think I should let it out. It's making me sad and depressed and sappy and "and"s are all over the place.
I'm constantly looking for a place/person to lean on because the things that are supposed to be holding me together are slowly untangling themselves. It's like I'm a puppet made to portray glee and ecstasy but all I really am inside are woven strings and the threads on my body look good but aren't designed to make me feel even a teeny bit better.
It's awkward in all the right places and seems appropriate during the most inconvenient situation. But nevertheless, it's confusing. You are, I am, she is, we all are. I don't really know if I'm supposed to be in this mess but I feel that I am and nobody can contest to someone else's feelings, could they? It's just that, it all happened so fast. We didn't even know what was going on before it happened. And now that it has, do we really have something to go back to or something to move forward to?
So many unanswered questions just pondered upon. I wish we were all contemplating; but I'm afraid most of the queries I have never even crossed your mind. What else is there to do but to let it go? Sometimes we never really do have a choice. I guess I'm wrong once again. But I'm always deemed wrong, am I not? Always for all the wrong reasons.
It hurts. And I don't really know why. Swear to everything pink I own that I don't know why. Or not. Maybe it's because of the attachment that was developed between us. Or maybe because I think I let the people who believed there was a future for us someday down. Or maybe it's just really the obvious reason - that I'm jealous.
Nah. Can't be. It never was. People always thought so; but I knew deep down inside that somehow, it isn't jealousy. It maybe something else entirely but it fucking hurts just the same (even worse, at times). I don't understand how I really feel but I think I should let it out. It's making me sad and depressed and sappy and "and"s are all over the place.
I'm constantly looking for a place/person to lean on because the things that are supposed to be holding me together are slowly untangling themselves. It's like I'm a puppet made to portray glee and ecstasy but all I really am inside are woven strings and the threads on my body look good but aren't designed to make me feel even a teeny bit better.
It's awkward in all the right places and seems appropriate during the most inconvenient situation. But nevertheless, it's confusing. You are, I am, she is, we all are. I don't really know if I'm supposed to be in this mess but I feel that I am and nobody can contest to someone else's feelings, could they? It's just that, it all happened so fast. We didn't even know what was going on before it happened. And now that it has, do we really have something to go back to or something to move forward to?
So many unanswered questions just pondered upon. I wish we were all contemplating; but I'm afraid most of the queries I have never even crossed your mind. What else is there to do but to let it go? Sometimes we never really do have a choice. I guess I'm wrong once again. But I'm always deemed wrong, am I not? Always for all the wrong reasons.
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