i can't make up my mind.

I don't want to talk to him because I was really pissed off by the way he acted yesterday, but I wan t him to talk to me. Grr. Indecisive much? I can't bear seeing him looking madly at me, yet, I look at him secretly and wish to punch him in the face for being such a big jerk yesterday. I hate seeing him sad but yet think to myself that I'm happy because he's affected. I don't like his talking to other people about our problem, I've addressed that to him before, but I kinda like it 'cause he's making a big deal out of the problem. I never really wanted him to ignore me, but I prefer it now 'cause we avoided the big confrontation that I've already orchestrated so many times in my mind last night. I really wanna talk to you to fix this problem and all others, but I'm scared nothing would change. :( I wanna tell you how I really feel, how you assume so much than you should, but I don't want you to be mad at me. I wanna say to you everything I've been keeping inside but I'm afraid it will just make things worse. I want you to treat me the way you did before but I don't want to be issued anymore. I really wish you could read this so you'd know my every single thought, but I'm scared you'll walk away after reading each and every one. :( HELP ME PLEASE. :(