in touch with myself again .

This blog post is going to be uber emotional.

Months have gone by since I`d last felt like this. Idk . The last time I`d felt like this, the reason was the thing people all call as love.

For those who doesn`t know the word people stereotype as "emo", these are the different meanings- for philosophical people : it`s short for the word "emotional" . in layman`s terms, someone who`s emo is someone who has emotions or someone who expresses their opinions. ; for music genre know-it-all`s : the word "emo" refers to the genre of music also known as "emotional hardcore" which refers to songs having the similar sounds as those of the rock genre and having lyrics like those in the acoustic genre .

Before, I listened to songs which belongs to the "emo" genre . I luuurved them . I lived on those songs. But since I have been close to the people in church, I learned to love again songs which belong to the "hiphop" genre . So, so much for my choice of music . Let`s go back to the topic. Earlier, at school , we had idle time `coz the whale was absent and no one was there to keep an eye on us . Good thing that tallbabe had her older brother's iPod with her. She invited me to listen to music with her. We made ourselves comfortable behind the chalkboard so that no one could disturb us. She had songs played which belonged to the "emo" genre. `Twas pretty okay at first. But then I got devoured by the lyrics, the song, the tune and the mood . I reminisced those times I cried, I was alone . The moments I had no one to talk to. No one to care for me . No one thinking of me. Who was I with, am I okay, or even if i`m still alive. *sniffs*

Am I going back to the old me? The vulnerable me? I`m weak . I can`t be going around, living like nothing`s hurting . Like I don`t know how to cry. I can`t pretend that i`m okay . Like i`m not human. *tears**sniffs*